Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
