Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
