I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Michael Bay diarrhea
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Randomize
