To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
