Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
