Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
