I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
