So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
