Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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