It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
