Four minutes until I can fart!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
