I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
