She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
