I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
