she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
