well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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