My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Still dying that you shit outside
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
