Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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