I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
