Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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