my soul wont recognize me after tonight
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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