goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
