I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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