I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
