if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
