I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
