True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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