So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
