I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The beer is more important than you right now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
