From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
