Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
