No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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