his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sorry about my life...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
