fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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