Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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