I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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