I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
