She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
