whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We're too hungover to prance.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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