She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
