it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
