I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
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By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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