Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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