so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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