Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
third nipple confirmed
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
