come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
