Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
