my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
