Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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