I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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