Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
