Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
