I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
