I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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