are you still at the devil's house?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
