A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
