ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
