Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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