I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
