Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
