i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
